Looking For Faith in All The Wrong Places
by narwhalpuppy
Summary: Zoidberg Becomes a Televangelist and Faith Healer. Hermes and Amy want to show the public for what he really is. Fry, Leela, and Bender have a TV party that goes horrible wrong.


Futurama Presents:

A Narwhal Puppy Production

Looking For Faith in All The Rich Places

In the middle of Central Park in New New York. Farnsworth, Hermes, Amy, Scruffy and Zoidberg were going to a huge tent for a benefit dinner to raise money for poor Decopodians. "Thanks so much for being here to show support for my fellow Decopods!" exclaimed Zoidberg. "Why are we wasting our time with this, mon? " asked Hermes. "We have better things to do to". said Amy. "Relax everyone! It's good to go somewhere that Zoidberg wants to go for once." said Farnsworth. "Scruffy donated some money to this shindig." said Scruffy. "Wonder when Preacherbot will show up"? wondered Zoidberg. Preacherbot was supposed to make an appearance but he hasn't shown up yet.

"Come on, hurry up! It's about to start!" said Zoidberg. Farnsworth, Zoidberg, Amy, Hermes, and Scruffy go inside the tent and see the Decopodians eating their dinner. Blind Melon's heads were performing on the stage. The setting looks depressing. "These Decopodians seem better off than you, Zoidberg!" said Hermes. "They're all poor like I am" said Zoidberg. "They all seem to so sad. Blind Melon is a very depressing band." said Amy. "You're right, Amy! It's too mellow around here!" said Farnsworth. "Maybe I can liven things up! Since Preacherbot isn't here yet! Always had the bright and sunny outlook!" exclaimed Zoidberg " Go ahead Zoidberg!" said Farnworth. Zoidberg runs to the stage after Blind Melon's perfomance had ended. Zoidberg goes to the microphone. "Good afternoon fellow Decopodians!" The Decopodians were looking at him with confusion.

"Just because we're all poor doesn't mean we have to be depressed!" said Zoidberg! "So, come on! Rise up and sing! Follow my lead!" The Decopodians stood up waiting for Zoidberg to tell them what to do. Zoidberg starts and singing and dancing, "Up with Decopods! Don't be so sad! No need to feel bad! Our day will come! We shall overcome!" Soon the Decopodians are joining Zoidberg. "Gotta have faith! Gotta have hope! We have lots to live for! Just because we're poor, don't mean we're repressed! " continued Zoidberg. Farnsworth, Amy, Scruffy, and Hermes were all watching Zoidberg cheer up the poor repressed Decopodians. Preacherbot comes inside the tent to see what Zoidberg was doing. "Zoidberg can be the life of the party? Who knew?" asked Amy. "He's making an even bigger fool out of himself than he already is!" said Hermes.

Preacherbot comes to the stage where Zoidberg is. "Dr. Zoidberg is it?" asked Preacherbot. "That's me!" said Zoidberg. "Very proud of the way you're brightening the spirits of these poor destitute Decopodians!" said Preacherbot. "Thank you!" said Zoidberg. "How would you like to have a job?!" asked Preacherbot. "I'm listening" said Zoidberg. "If you really love to brighten spirits, Would you like to be a Televangelist!" said Preacherbot. "Hell yeah I would! Sign me up! I'm in!" said Zoidberg. Farnsworth, Scruffy, Hermes, and Amy were all in shock over Zoidberg's job offer. "Zoidberg a televanglist?" said Farnsworth. "Sweet Zombie Jesus! What next, mon!" said a disgusted Hermes.

Preacherbot tells Zoidberg to come with him into his flying limo. "Where are we going!" asked Zoidberg. "To the 7000 Club! Going to put in a good word for you!" said Preacherbot.

Meanwhile in Robot Arms apartments, Fry and Bender heard the doorbell as they race to the door and Fry struggles to outrun Bender. "I'm always first! You're always last! " said Bender as he hit Fry and knocked him on the ground. Bender answers the door and it's Leela who had a box in her hands. "What up Leela, babe! What brings you here!?" asked Fry. "You guys have been such good friends to me over the years, so I got you both this!" said Leela. She opens the box and out comes an HDTV and she sets up the HDTV on Fry's and Bender's wall. "This is so awesome Leela! Word up, dawg! An HDTV! Looks like that one the Professor had on the ship when that whole violet dwarf star stuff was happening!" said Fry. "Oh Leela! I don't know what to say! Don't know whether to love you or hate you even more than I already do!" said an excited Bender. "Always thought you said we watched too much TV." said Fry.

"I was wrong about that, Fry. So, thought we could have a nice TV party just the three of us! After all the crazy delivery adventures we've been on, we all earned this!" said Leela. "We got nothing better to do!" said Fry. "Might as well watch TV and have couple of brews!" said Bender. Leela gets out some beer for them to all drink. "Ready for this?" asked Leela right when she was about to turn on the TV, Bender snatches it from her. "I want the honor to turn this on!" said Bender. "Go ahead!" said Leela. The TV turns on and Fry, Leela, and Bender were in for the ride of their lives, perhaps even more so than any delivery they have been on.

At Planet Express, a mailman gives Farnsworth an postcard. "What is this?" asked Farnsworth as he read it, and it was an invitation to Zoidberg's Televanglist Show. It read, "At Madison Cube Garden Tonight at 8pm. Do You Have a Disease? Depressed? Or Have Financial Problems That Make You On The Verge of Debt? Then Join Dr. John Zoidberg For a Miracle! Come One Come All. "Waaaahhhhh!" Farnsworth reacted. Hermes and Amy were in the conference room. "Don't know what kind of news is this, everyone!" said Farnsworth. "What's wrong, Professor?" asked Amy. "Just for this invitation to see Dr. Zoidberg do a show! It appears that Zoidberg is some kind of Faith Healer." said Farnsworth. "But aren't all Televangelists Faith Healers?" asked Hermes. "Yes, they all are." said Farnsworth. "Think we should go! Just to see what it is Zoidberg is doing." said Amy. Farnsworth said, "Indeed." "Guess we don't have a say, mon! Zoidberg a miracle worker! More like a disaster waiting to happen when it comes to him!" said Hermes exasparatedly.

It was 8pm and everyone in New New York was gathered at Madison Cube Garden to see Zoidberg's Faith Healing show. Aliens, Robots, People, and Monsters were all there. Preacherbot comes to introduce Zoidberg. "Welcome those who are poor and unfortunate! We have a very special show for us tonight! Please welcome the newest member of the 7000 Club, Televangelist, Faith Healer. Give a big hand to Dr. John Zoidberg!" Everyone in the audience applauds as Zoidberg makes his way to the stage. "Greetings! Greetings to all! I am Dr. John Zoidberg!" He does a dance and a choir sings. "Do you have a disease!" sang Zoidberg and the choir was repeating what Zoidberg was singing. "Are you on the verge of debt? Have you lost all hope in humanity! Do you want to be a better person! Do you have an out of control teenager? Come join me on this stage!" "Join him on the stage! sang the choir. "Who wants to go first!" said Zoidberg over a microphone. Zapp and Kiff come to the stage. "Zapp Brannigan! What miracle are you hoping for?" Zoidberg asked Zapp. "Not here for myself! I'm here for my assistant!" Kiff groaned. "What's is the problem"? asked Zoidberg. "I want him to be more gung ho and efficient!" said Zapp. "You came to the right place!" said Zoidberg as he lead Kiff to the middle of the stage. "Why are you making me do this, Zapp?" asked Kiff. "Because you need to change your attitude!" said Zapp. Zoidberg starts speaking in tongue and then he swings his claw in Kiff's direction and screams, "PINCH"! Kiff falls over. The audience cheers. Kiff gets up. "How do you feel, Kiff" asked Zoidberg. "I feel alive with life!" boasted Kiff. "Sweet Jackhammers of Lillehammer! Can't believe people are buying into this!" said Hermes. Even Amy didn't buy into it. Zoidberg was proud of what he did, he now believes he has a gift "Holy crap! I have a super power! Who else wants to come up and feel the healing of my magic claw!" any alien, robot, person, or monster in the audience who was depressed, diseased, or poor comes to the the stage to expirence Zoidberg's Magic 'Pinch' "PINCH! PINCH! PINCH! PINCH!" yelled Zoidberg as he was pinching anyone in the audience who was unfortunate. "Zoidberg's conning these people, aliens, robots, and monsters! Can we please take him down, Professor! Pretty Pretty Please!?" asked Amy. "How dare he do that to my Kiffy!"

In the midst of their TV party, Fry, Leela, and Bender were on the couch about to binge watch movies from each genre. "Hey, Leela. You didn't tell us where you got the money for this." said Fry. "What did you do, sell some crack or heroin? Stole from a Rent A Center? Whored yourself perhaps?" asked Bender as he glanced at Leela. "Yeah, sure Bender! Anyhoo, The Professor gave us all a bonus on our paychecks so I got you guys this HDTV!" "Hmmmm, could've sworn something was up with our paychecks!" said Fry. "Cease the chump chat meatbags! Who wants to watch Vin Diesel kick some ass in space in this awesome flick, Pitch Black?" suggested Bender. "Put it in!" said Leela. Bender turned on a movie channel and PItch Black was showing on the HDTV. "Must have Encore on this thing!" said Bender. "You wouldn't have the Playbot channel on here, do you?" "Like to see that later!" said Fry.

Next few hours or so, Fry, Leela, and Bender were having fun with their TV Party, watching movies and drinking beer. Even Leela was drinking. After Pitch Black was over, they flip over to Starz and they watched The Pelican Brief which had them all intrigued. Next up, HBO and they watched Titanic that had Fry and Leela sobbing their eyes out as Bender cracked up. Then they flip the channel over to Showtime and they were watching House On Haunted Hill. Fry and Leela cuddled close to each other as Bender laughed at them, "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Pussies!" After House On Haunted Hill was over, they all watched Gravity that had them wearing 3D glasses, but Leela couldn't get hers on. They go to Crackle and watch a comedy Anchorman and they were laughing. Once that was over they watch a police drama movie, The Departed on AMC. Afterwards they end it with Ride Along which was showing on EPIX. When the movie watching was over, Bender turns on a channel hoping to find more and instead they see Zoidberg on The Religious Broadcasting Station and they were all shocked. "Zoidberg became a Evangelist? Dude! I've been gone a long time! Must've been the beer we were drinking!" said a shocked Fry. "Since when did that happen?" asked a puzzled Leela. Zoidberg was on the television and Preacherbot was telling him, "Now that you're an Evangelist you can't have sex!" "Don't plan to! My spieces dies when they mate. And now, lets bow our heads in prayer!" said Zoidberg as him and Preacherbot bowed their heads in prayer. "You have got to be KIDDING me!" screamed Bender as he threw a beer bottle at the HDTV but it had no effect.

"Hold your horses, Bender! Let's just watch another movie." said Fry. "Let's not even find out why Zoidberg became a religious leader." said Leela. "You took the words right out of my mouth, Leela!" said Fry. "I am surrounded by two of my favorite things next to cheap loose easy hookers! Beer and Television! And I didn't come here to look at Zoidberg's fat bloated Lena Dunham style portly corpulent ass! AAAAAHHHHH!" yelled Bender.

Zoidberg was now in New New Orleans doing a Faith Healing gig. Zoidberg's popularity was rising day after day, week after week. People, aliens, robots, blobs, and other creatures from all walks of life were gathering on stage with Zoidberg to feel his so-called magic pinch. "PINCH! PINCH! PINCH! PINCH! PINCH!" shouted Zoidberg. Almost everyone on earth thought Zoidberg was some kind of miracle worker. Hermes and Amy back in New New York wanted to show that Zoidberg is a fraud. So they go to Farnsworth for advise. "Splom on Professor! You're the smartest person we know. What is the best way to affirm to the public that Zoidberg is a fraud?" asked Amy. "I know you guys want to over take Zoidberg. But as his friend and confidant I say we let him do this." said Farnsworth. Hermes walks into the conference room. "Got an idea mon! Just saw Zoidberg on that religious channel." announced Hermes. Then Hermes continued, "He's not allowed to make love! So I say we set up Zoidberg with a..." Farnsworth stops Hermes before he could finish. "NO! We won't go tell anyone that Zoidberg is a fake. This is making him happy so I say we let him do this!" said Farnsworth. "It's making him money too! I can't let that grimy, muddy crustation get more richer than me!" said Hermes. "Spluh! Or me and my family!" said Amy.

"If you guys want to lead Zoidberg to his downfall, then go right ahead! You'll both need my lastest invention." said Farnsworth as he lead them to his lab and he shows them a plate with a mini satellite dish on it. "Sweet Foaming of Wyoming! What is that supposed to do?" asked Hermes. "This is called a tracker downer. You both will use it track down anyone who was at Zoidberg's show last night at Madison Cube garden and get the truth out of them". explained Farnsworth. "We'll do it! Let's roll Hermes!" said Amy.

Overtime, Hermes and Amy used Farnsworth's tracker downer device to find anyone who was at Zoidberg's show. Hermes was at the house of a family of blobs who were there. "WHAT? Your husband flatlined after the show?" asked Hermes to the grieving blob widow. Amy was at the house of a robot family. "Oh no! Your Robotic Matic Fever came back?" asked Amy. Hermes was at a house of a human family, "What? Your son is still out of control and he ran away?" asked Hermes to the mother and father. Amy was at a house of an alien family, "You're still in debt? And you're going to lose your house?" asked Amy to the alien couple. After a while Hermes and Amy have tracked down everyone who was at Zoidberg's Faith Healing show. "Mission accomplished mon! We now have the proof we need to show the world and possibly the universe that Zoidberg is a double dealing imposter!" said Hermes proudly! "You're an awesome team player Hermes!" said Amy. "I just found out Zoidberg is going to do a Faith Healing show in Lincoln Nebraska mon! That's when we expose him!" said Hermes. "Even got some who were in his show here in New New York to agree to come to this show." said Amy. "Not only that we also hire a prostitute to seduce him too!" said Hermes. "I saw one in Harlem who's willing to do it!" said Amy.

Fry's, Bender's and Leela's TV Party was about to come to an end. Leela and Bender wanted to call it a day and watch some more tomorrow. Fry was still going strong. "This has been a very fun party Bender! But I think we should call it quits or now." said Leela. "I'm the ultimate party raver! Being great can be tiring on my shiny metal ass! So I will go to sleep now!" said Bender. "No wait you guys! We shouldn't stop this yet! We still have 2391 more movie cable channels to watch!" said Fry. "We'll pick it up tomorrow Fry, we promise!" said Leela. "Can we just watch one more movie! What about a kids' movie! Might I suggest the Steve Carell classic, Alexander and The Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day!" said Fry. "Go to bed now Fry! This party will last the whole week, I promise!" said Bender. "But we haven't even tried to watch TV up close yet!" said Fry. "Don't EVER sit close to the TV! it will strain your eyes, and you'll lose your mind!" warned Leela! "Don't listen to Leela, Fry! She's not important! Do what makes me happy and sit in front of the TV!" whispers Bender to Fry to encourage him to piss off Leela, but she heard Bender whisper. "Bender! I heard that!" said Leela. "Uhhh, uhh, You can do that in the morning all you want, bloodbag! Let's go the bed already!" said Bender. "You heard us, Fry! Turn off the TV and go to bed!" said Leela. "If you're going to be staying the night, Leela, sleep on the couch." said Bender.

"No, we can't quit this now! There's still more fun to be had!" said Fry. "Bender and I will go to sleep now, you can join us if you want..." when Leela was about to give a final warning, Fry took the remote and channel surfed some more. "How can you stop now! This is so much fun! Come on, Bender! Leela! You guys! Don't you see? It's TV!" said Fry as he continously channel surfed. "TV! TV! TV! TV! TV! TV! TV! TV! TV! TV! TV! TV TV!" Fry kept chanting over and over as thought he was a broken record. Bender and Leela snuck off and Fry still remained sustained to the HDTV flipping the channels while saying over and over, "TV! TV! TV! TV! TV! TV! TV! TV! TV! TV..." Fry begins to go under a deep trance and he slowly walks over to the HDTV and sits next to it. Fry was now sitting close to the HDTV then some lasers came out and zapped Fry's eyes. Fry was screaming in terror as he tried to break himself free. The force of the HDTV pulled Fry's eyes to the screen sucking his brains out. Leela and Bender were now sleeping. Leela was sleeping on Fry's bed and Bender was sleeping in his own bed. They were not aware of what just happened to Fry.

Dr. Zoidberg was in a dressing room in New New Orleans ready to do another Faith Healing Show. Preacherbot came in to tell him to hurry up. "Everybody in the audience is expecting you, Zoidberg! You're about to be on in five minutes!" said Preacherbot. "Hooray! Zoidberg is going to do another Faith Healing show!" cheered Zoidberg. As Zoidberg was about to go out and join the crowd a prostitute comes out of nowhere to try to seduce him. "Hey, handsome devil!" said the Prostitute. Zoidberg shouted, "EEEEEP! Where did you come from!?" "What's your name? Allow me to properly introduce myself. I'm iPHone Trixie! Do you like to have a good time?" said the Prostitute. Zoidberg liked her charms. "My name is Dr. Eaglehead... WAIT! I most certainly do not like to have your idea of a good time, bitch! Have a reputation to uphold! I'm a Televangelist Faith Healer now! GO! GET OUT!" demanded Zoidberg. "What's wrong? Never been with a girl like me?" asked iPHone Trixie. "No, it's just that I am not allowed to mate! My spieces can die if I mate with you!" said Zoidberg. "Whoever heard of a Televangelist not being allowed to have sex! Or die even! Do me! Do me! Do me right here!" said iPHone Trixie. "NNNNOOO! I got a show to do! Leave me alone!" said Zoidberg. IPHone Trixie knocked Zoidberg to the floor and kissed him Zoidberg tried to scream but no one can hear him. Zoidberg couldn't help but find IPHone Trixie attractive. "I am a Faith Healer..." said Zoidberg. "Why not be a sexual healer, too!" said IPHone Trixie. So they rolled around the floor and kissed. "See? You just needed a little kick before you go out there!" said IPHone Trixie. "This isn't really too bad." said Zoidberg giving into IPHone Trixie's desires. Hermes and Amy were hidden in an air vent and they took pictures of Zoidberg with IPHone Trixie. "Zoidberg will be in for it now!" said Hermes. "Let's show this to Linda and Morbo when Zoidberg is done with his show!" said Amy. Hermes and Amy have a good laugh about their mischievous deed with Zoidberg as they headed to the News Station. IPHone Trixie lets Zoidberg do his show. "Call me!" said IPHone Trixie! "If you ever need any healing...I'm your guy!" said Zoidberg.

Zoidberg went onto do his New New Orleans show, then he went to St. Louis Missouri for a Faith Healing show. The crowds were eating it up. Suddenly a news report was shown. Linda and Morbo were reporting. "Breaking News! Newcomer Faith Healer and Televangelist Dr. John Zoidberg is seen in this iPHone video of him doing the nasty with a prostitute! Here is the footage of the video." reported Linda. The video Hermes and Amy took of Zoidberg and IPHone Trixie was shown. Morbo says, "It's often been said that Televangelists can't have intercourse. I consider his career terminated!" When Zoidberg was in the middle of his Faith Healing Show in St. Louis he was using his magic pinch. "PINCH! PINCH! PINCH! PINCH! PINCH! PINCH! PINCH!" It all came to an abrupt halt when Zoidberg was confronted by Preacherbot. "Zoidberg! A word please!" said Preacherbot. Zoidberg came into Preacherbot's office in his hovervan. "What do you want, Preacherbot?" asked Zoidberg. "You just broke the golden rule of being a Televangelist Faith Healer! Did you see the news?" asked Preacherbot. Zoidberg is shown the news report of him having sex with IPHone Trixie and Zoidberg was astounded. "But...but...but...where did THAT come from? Who did this to me!?" said Zoidberg in a state of shock. "We don't want sinners like you in the 7000 Club anymore! You're fired!" said Preacherbot. Zoidberg walked away ashamed. Hermes and Amy were watching the news report on TV. "You got him didn't you?" asked Farnsworth. "Yes we did! We disgraced him!" said Amy. "We torched his ass mon! Sweet Zombie Jesus we torched his ass!" said Hermes. "We have something else planned too!" said Amy.

Linda and Morbo do another news report about Zoidberg who was doing a news conference. "This just in, Dr. John Zoidberg is now apologizing for his actions, we now go live to St. Louis where he did his show." Zoidberg was sobbing into the podium. "I am afraid I have let you all down. (sob) I broke the golden rule of Faith Healing Televangelists (sob) She was coming onto me and I gave into temptation! I really am a Faith Healer! Please Believe me! (sob) Don't abandon me!" Then all the people, aliens, robots, blobs, and monsters from the Madison Cube Garden show came to confront Zoidberg. "He's a phony! A big fat phony!" "My son ran away after your show" "My husband died" "I still have Robotic..." "I'm still ailing!" "Still have a disease!" "You're no Faith Healer!" Then everyone throws whatever they can grab at Zoidberg. Everything from rocks to molotov cocktails. Zoidberg tries to talk his way out. "Wait! I can still prove I am not a phony! Give me another chance!" Hermes and Amy were laughing their asses and were proud of leading Zoidberg to his downfall.

At Robot Arms Apartments the following morning, Leela and Bender woke up. Bender was laying on top of Leela. "Get off me Bender! Go drool on Fry for a while!" demanded Leela. Bender said, "Sheesh you are not a morning person!" said Bender. Leela and Bender walk into the living room and they see Fry sitting up close to the HDTV and static was on the television. They go up to Fry and see he was staring blankly into the HDTV static. "Oh, Lord! I told Fry not to sit close to the HDTV! Now look what's happened!" said Leela. "He never listens to you, does he? He claims to love you so much!" said Bender. "Fry seems to be in a trance, let's try to get him out of it." said Leela. Fry just sat there and stared blankly into the HDTV static. Bender and Leela try to get through to him. "Fry, it's me Leela! Can you hear me talking?" asked Leela. "Yo, Fry! How many fists am I holding up?" said Bender holding his two fists in Fry's face. Fry responds, "Gather around the tulips at once, grapevine"! Leela and Bender both gasp! "He's lost his mind to television!" boasted Bender. "Makes a great broth substitute for gasoline!" said Fry again in the trance. "He's been watching Monster Kitchen Garage!" said Bender! "That show that cooks cars"!

"How are we going to get him out of this?" asked Leela. "The HDTV seems to have sucked out his brain!" "Not just that, all the lack of intellegence that came with it!" said Bender. "He's now more dumber than before!" Bender added. "We need to get his brain back, sounds like a stretch, but we have to go into the TV!" suggested Leela. "It's not what I'm going to do! It's what you're going to do!" said Bender pointing at Leela. "What are you getting at?" asked Leela. "You just had to buy us an HDTV! Then Fry wanted to watch more and you let him..." said Bender. "Don't pin this on me! You're just as much accountable, in fact it was you who told him to go ahead and sit in front of the TV!" said Leela. "Complete denial eye girl! Who bought the TV? YOU DID! NOT ME! This is all your fault, bitch! You got my friends' brain sucked into the TV! I am never having a party with you again!" said Bender. "Fine! I'll go into the TV and get Fry's brain back! What good are you anyway?" said Leela.

Leela agrees to go inside the HDTV. As Leela was about to go in, a portal appears before her and talks "Did someone's brain just get sucked in? Then come inside! Don't worry, we won't try to fight you." in she goes. Leela sees a dark field around her and she sees a bunch of TV characters flying around but didn't talk. Everyone from Hypnotoad, Morbo, Calculon, The Old Man from The Scary Door, Urkel, Olivia from iZombie, Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad, Mad King Aeyers from Game of Thrones, Kevin Spacey from House of Cards, and Peter Griffin. "If I were a brain where would I be hidden?" asked Leela to herself. She runs until she finds a brain on a shelf that was in a jar and it said, "Phillip J. Fry" on it. "Bingo!" said Leela as she grabbed the brain in the jar and ran back and out of the HDTV. "That was almost too easy!" said Leela. "How was TV Land?" asked Bender. "Did you get me Joe Piscopo's autograph?" "Sure as (beep) didn't need you for this!" said Leela. To get Fry's brain back inside, Leela and Bender take him to Planet Express to Farnsworth. "Let's take Fry to the Professor to give him his brain back." said Leela. "While we're at it, let's have the Professor give you judgement transplant! So that way you will buy us another HDTV again! And let's not forget what you did to Fry!" joked Bender

Leela and Bender were now at Planet Express. Fry was still in the trance. Leela had Fry's brain in the jar. "You're our only hope Professor. You are good at brain transplants." said Leela. "Give me his brain and I shall proceed." said Farnsworth. "There's a sale at Penneys!" said Fry cheerfully. "The tower! The tower! Rapunzel!" Fry went on. "Now he thinks he's Stephen Stucker! Do something!" screamed Bender. "All right, I'm on it!" said Farnsworth. Fry was sitting on a chair in the living room at Planet Express. Farnsworth takes a laser scalpel and cuts open Fry's head. Leela and Bender watch as Farnsworth puts Fry's brain back in and sews Fry's skull back up. Fry was as good as new, but he still wasn't cured from his TV addiction.

"Damn it! I'm missing the Wheel!" said Fry. "He still wants to watch TV"! said Leela. "Nice going, Professor!" said Bender. "Can I sit up close to the TV?! Please!" asked Fry. "And people want to think I have too many vices!" said Bender. "There is a way we can cure this. As you probably already know, Zoidberg is a Faith Healer. "We know!" said Bender with a hint of snark in his voice. "Don't bother mon! We disgraced Zoidberg!" said Hermes. "We exposed for the con he really was! He thought he was curing people with a magic pinch!" said Amy.

Zoidberg runs into Planet Express. "I need another chance! I want to prove to my followers I am not a phony!" said Zoidberg. "Why not work your magic on Fry here! He's addicted to television!" said Leela. "Followers? What is he, Warren Jeffs"? snided Bender. Outside of Planet Express, all of the people Zoidberg supposedly cured were gathered outside to beat up on him. "Wait! Wait! My patrons! I really can cure people! I'll demonstrate on Fry here!" Bender leads Fry to Zoidberg. And Zoidberg uses his Magic Pinch on Fry. "PINCH!" Fry yelps for a minute and falls to the ground. Fry gets up and still wants to watch TV. "How do you feel about TV now, Fry?" asked Zoidberg. "Five more minutes to All My Circuits!" said Fry as he ran back inside. "Tough break, Zoidberg!" said Leela. "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away!" said Zoidberg sadly. "GET HIM!" the crowd shouted as they closed in on Zoidberg and started to beat up on him.

Bender says, "What a magnificent sight!" "Heard there was a video of Zoidberg having a fling with a hooker, want to see it?" asked Leela. "Count me in, baby!" cheered Bender as he and Leela went inside the Planet Express building to watch Zoidberg great demise that was on the news. Millions were gathered everyone from Sal, Zapp, Mom and her sons, Robot Mafia and so on to see Zoidberg get beaten up for being a fake Faith Healer and Televangelist.

The End


End file.
